How to discipline a 5 year old
Earlier this week, I received a message from my child’s preschool.
It wasn’t for something positive.
There had been an issue with another child, and in the end, my child had made someone uncomfortable. The teachers suggested separating them during after-school class.
It wasn’t even a classmate from the same classroom.
Just a child from another class they met during after-school activities.
My child said,
“I just wanted to be friends.”
But the way it was expressed… didn’t come across that way.
If you read this as a story,
it might not sound like a big deal.
But as a parent, it felt heavy.
Being called in for a meeting because of a problem,
and knowing that another child felt uncomfortable because of my child…
That stayed with me.
Looking Back: When It Was the Hardest
This situation reminded me of a very difficult time.
When my first child was 36 months old.
At that time, my second child was only 15 months old and had just started walking. I had to constantly watch both of them, and I was physically and emotionally exhausted.
Around that time, they both started daycare,
and I remember finally feeling like I could breathe a little.
But if I’m honest,
that was also when I cried the most.
After they fell asleep, I would sit alone and cry.
Sometimes I would vent everything to my husband.
And yes…
I yelled a lot more than I want to admit.
Why My Discipline Was Not Working
Looking back now,
I think the reason was simple.
I had my own plan.
And I expected my child to follow it.
“Let’s eat now.”
“Clean this up.”
“This is what we’re doing.”
To me, it felt obvious.
To my child, it wasn’t.
I repeated myself again and again.
And when it didn’t work,
my voice got louder.
“Why aren’t you listening?”
“What are you doing?”
And that’s where everything started to fall apart.
The Moment That Changed Me
One day, I saw something that stopped me.
My first child was talking to the younger sibling
in the exact same tone I used.
That moment hit me hard.
“This is me.”
That was when I started to rethink everything.
Not how to fix my child,
but how to change myself first.
What I Changed in My Discipline Approach
Now that we’re going through another challenging phase,
I decided to set a few clear rules for myself.
- No more yelling
- Listen first
- Be clear and consistent with rules
Simple… but not easy.
What Happens When My Child Breaks the Rules
We have a routine at home.
After coming back from preschool:
wash hands → organize bag → change clothes → shower
Before we enter the house,
I ask twice:
“What do we do when we get home?”
And my child answers perfectly every time.
But the moment we step inside?
Everything disappears.
We recently added a simple visual routine chart near our entrance, and it actually helped more than I expected.
Having the steps right in front of my child made it easier to transition without constant reminders.
Toys come first.
Halfway changing clothes… and suddenly gone.
Before, I would get frustrated right away.
But this time, I tried something different.
I calmly stopped my child and said,
“You’re not ready yet.
Let’s try again when you’re ready.”
Then I had my child put shoes back on
and stand outside the door again.
A reset.
We’ve been repeating this for two days now.
Honestly,
I don’t know what will happen tomorrow.
I’m Still Learning
One thing is clear though.
Nothing changed when I reacted with emotions.
So this time,
I’m trying to stay calm,
but also firm.
I’m not a perfect parent.
But I’m trying to become
a more aware one.
And for now,
that feels like a good place to start.
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